Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
