yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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