Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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