I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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