she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
