no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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