Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize