i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize