everyone is single if you try hard enough
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
