capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
