So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
birth control should be required to get into college
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
