Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize