You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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