I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
