Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
