I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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