one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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