His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
