I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
