ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
