this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
