somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
