Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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