How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You can't just leave with hair like that
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
