i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
