toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
