you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
