dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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