He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just invented taco cereal.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
