If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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