i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
