so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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