You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
ttyl tear gas
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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