they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
