like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Randomize
