I want to make a zoo with you.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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