oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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