It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
