I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize