just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
