She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
