Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize