In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
