you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
