well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
