Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
