Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
