I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
