my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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