Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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