he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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