then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
