the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
