He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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