He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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