2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
