That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
