I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
