This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I will be naked everywhere
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
