Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
