I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
