so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
