it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
